I knew going into it that I was getting in over my head. 53 years old and over 300 pounds needing desperately to change to diet and exercise habits.
You show up that first day, and it’s a WTF am I doing. They other people are in phenomenal shape and you are not. Far from it. Though I try not to look it, and I hate to admit it, but it’s a kind of slovenly look. Going from 2XL for most of your life to 3XL over the past maybe 12-24 months. Then actually buying 3XLs but not wearing them because they are too tight, so you stick to the 3XLs that have been “properly” stretched out. Nothing really fit right. The only thing I still really wear are the 3XLBG shirts from Polo. And, I don’t tuck them it because it accentuates the stomach. I don’t know if other overweight people think like me, but I don’t want to be noticed (but then you have those situations on planes that you can’t help but be noticed.
So, you are intimidated, but you try. Every exercise needs an “accommodation” because I can’t do it properly. But, you keep going. You show up that second day, and are kind of surprised that you made it back. And, you think that others are too.
After the 5th or 6th class with most of the same people, you feel a little less uncomfortable. The people know your name and are, sincerely I think, encouraging. And, then a couple new people show up in the class, and that uncomfortable feeling starts again. Why? Because you have been going for two weeks. You should be able to do things that they can’t. But they do more. They are not nearly 300 pounds. They are healthy, getting healthier. A couple of classes later, they too are encouraging you.
Then you show up at a Saturday class where it’s 40+ people, and you don’t know anyone and they, too, are all in phenomenal shape. And, you get that WTF am I doing here again. But you persevere.
While this is all going on, you are going cold turkey to 50 grams of protein, a cup of veggies and 8 grams of fat 3 times a day, plus two between meals protein shakes. Agter workout meals switch the veggies with 50 grams of carbs. Gung ho at first, then bored with the food, then meal prep gets you going again. Trying to figure out how restaurant meals fit in. Being disappointed in yourself when you f up because you thought you had a handle on nutrition facts and then you realize you really screwed up after the fact. Then getting right back on track.
It’s been 6 weeks of this. It has been so far out of my comfort zone. Except for intentionally drinking margaritas on Cinco de Mayo, I have not intentionally cheated (f’d up, but not cheated). I have stuck to the nutrition plan, with my daily errors being much more likely on the low side than the high side. I haven’t been hungry (for the most part). I have wanted a celebratory slice of cake or drink, but I have gotten past the moments of weakness.
And, I have made it to Crossfit three days a week every week (four one week, and five this week). Fort the most part, I really have looked forward to going each time – knowing the feeling of accomplishment I’d have when I was done each class.
I am still morbidly obese, but less than I was 6 weeks ago. Down from 302.1 at the start on the morning of 4/11/18 to today’s after workout weight of 277.6. That’s 24.5 pounds. Even 3.4 from my previous all-time high. I feel a hell of a lot better.
I would still be almost embarrassed to tell anyone I was doing Crossfit because I do not fit the mold – that healthy, athletic look. But, this is just a start. Part of me is thinking that “I have a long way to go.” But, that implies a final destination. I think what I am starting to see is that there is no end goal. One day I do want to get to a sub 200 weight, but that’s not the end. At that point, and all along the way, I think it is about getting better and healthier continuously, and being better than you were the day before.
There’s a great Proclaimers’ song that was actually used in Shrek. It works for this neverending journey that I am beginning. “I’m on my way, from misery to happiness today.”
Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh! Uh huh!
This shortened version of the song with Laurel and Hardy dancing to it is pretty appropriate (with me being the Oliver Hardy character)!