The lack of posts and really motivation is pretty representative of my weight loss/getting healthy efforts throughout my life. I had seen progress last year, and then, after that last post in November, lost all focus and put weight back on. What a friggin disappointment in myself – again.
But, about two weeks ago. I found motivation. What could it be? There are so many reasons it could have been, but it was hearing a word I had never heard before.
I was part of the faculty at an industry conference and, during some down time, one of the other faculty members was talking about her grandmother at a pool when she (the faculty member) was young. She described her grandmother as huge, and she sat in her chair, legs spread apart because that was the only way they could go, and her “panis” was showing.
I stopped her. “What’s a panis?” She said, “You know. That fat that hangs down.” I said I had never heard of the word. Then she looked it up on her phone to be sure and read me the definitions:
“Medical term for the fatty part of your stomach that hangs over your belt.” or “An unsightly bulge which folds over ones belt and or genitalia. Typically derived from extreme obesity or chilbirth.”
As we had to get back to classes, the conversation was out of my mind. But, a couple of days later, at home, looking in the mirror. I saw a f’n panis. I saw an f’n panis. My f’n fat had its own definition.
I hate the word, but I have embraced the word. Pathetic and desperate, not having a plan, I jumped on the keto train about 10 days ago. I am watching videos and learning as I go. And, using the mantra “Panis” as I go. F’n panis.